Clearly Nebulous

Happiness is a warm puppy

... that preferably came from the local animal shelter. Or at least a responsible breeder.

TOWS was a repeat yesterday of the puppy mill investigation with Lisa Ling. O finally decided to do the show after hearing about a billboard on a busy Chicago expressway which implored her to expose the practices at some dog breeding facilities.

It was surprising that O responded to a billboard. A man claiming to be wrongly accused tried the same tactic a few years back in suburban Chicago. I actually took a picture of it for a local paper, and when I called TOWS to ask for a comment they said they do not respond to such public displays.

But then again, there were puppies involved here. And this is Oprah.

I heard from someone who was at the show that O had not previously seen the footage they showed. She broke down crying so bad they had to stop rolling the cameras, and she took several minutes to compose herself. Despite all the heartbreaking stories she covers, this apparently is not typical behavior.

What they showed was appalling. There should be something done about all this, and the guest who was from the organization who posted the billboard said that because of this investigation, changes were already in progress. I applaud their efforts.

Ok, now I adopt from animal shelters. I also don't eat red meat or poultry, and buy my eggs from a farm nearby. However I do wear leather, as my carnivorous friends and family often point out. (But not fur!) I'm not militant about it all, I just try to encourage others to think about it.

But I realize that human life, in the end, is more important than animal life. It's hard for me to watch folks get all worked up about making things better for helpless animals when the most vulnerable and helpless sector of our society -- preborn children -- can be killed at full gestation when everything but their head has emerged from the womb by having their brains sucked out.

Whoa -- yes, that was quite a turn I took there. Now, I don't mean to make light of the suffering of animals, but what will it take for this country to end the suffering of women and their preborn children?

Where is the footage of the baby in the womb with her sad eyes as she is about to be disposed of? Just imagining it is enough for me. I don't have to see it.

It is a tragedy that should be emblazoned across every billboard in this nation. But I'm not holding my breath that O would do a show about it, even if that were the case.

Women who believe in glass ceilings...

... need to redirect their energies!

A great op-ed by Ruth Marcus in the Washington Post pointed out that a new study found that -- particularly in politics -- there is no glass ceiling for women. The real reason that there are so few women in American politics is not because of discrimination, but because of a lack of ambition. Women don't feel they can stomach the world of politics.

And who can blame them? Look at what Hillary has been through, regarding attacks on her gender. Just as there are few women who take up boxing, who wants to get in the ring and be punched around like that?

But I can't help thinking Hillary and her kind have been a part of the problem. In trying to be too much like their male counterparts, they added to the mud-wrestling environment. Case in point: by adopting a give-an-inch-and-they'll-send-us-all-back-to-the-Dark-Ages approach in regards to abortion, they appear a lot more like the wild-eyed, knee-jerk NRA than the nurturing, thoughtful leaders that women can be.

I honestly don't think it's too much of a leap to think that, if women are being told "Hey, it's ok if you don't think your able to have this baby" that they are going to back down from other challenges, big and small.

When I told my friends I was going to be on Jeopardy! they were supportive, but all of them said, "Oh, I could never do that!" If women are too afraid to go on a simple game show, what are the odds they're going to be able to throw their hat into a contest of true importance?

I have to say I was with them. I was going to be involved through volunteer work, but never try to enter the arena. Now I'm thinking twice. It's probably further down my path, but I'm not counting it out. I may fall on my backside (again!) but I feel I may have to give it a try. (And I don't mean just a school board!)

In her piece, Ruth Marcus also pointed out that there is a similarity with the dearth of women who write editorials. Most women are too intimidated to express their opinions publicly. I had written my share of letters to the editor, but the thought of a blog was too scary.

Obviously I got over it. And it's time the women of America got over it -- all of it -- too!

Here's a link to the whole editorial by Ruth Marcus -- a very good read:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/05/27/AR2008052702557.html 

About bloody time!

Monday was the type of show that makes me loveoprah so much, I almost wanted to jump up and down just like the women on her Favorite Summer Things last week. (Honestly, ladies, practically peeing in your pants about items that collectively couldn't have been worth more than $2500? This show should have put you all to shame.)

My only complaint:  What took so long?

The Angel Network has teamed up with Free the Children, an organization founded by Craig Kielburger in 1995 when he was only 12 years old. What started out as a project with 11 of his friends has turned into the largest organization of children helping children. Over 1 million participants are changing the world for the better in 45 countries.

The foundation teaches young kids how they can make a difference. They are shown just how to plan a project, raise the funds, and carry out such feats as building a school or digging a well. Children in grammar school and high school are directed how to participate at the level appropriate to their age.

Craig first appeared on TOWS in 1999. Now almost nine years later  Craig was back as O announced their new joint efforts. (I mean, even though O must be careful whom she chooses to partner with, this should have happened much sooner -- about umpteen American home makeovers ago).

It was heartbreaking to watch as a group of high schoolers who had raised the $8500 in funds, built a small school for a village in Kenya in 3 weeks. The group also interacted with the children of the village, at one point joining on a trip to the river to get water. The obvious health risks the villagers faced by ingesting the filthy water, and their stories of friends dying from dysentery and cholera brought the group to tears. And amazingly, the villagers consoled the high schoolers!

The experience was life-changing for the American kids. They returned home and immediately set out to raise the $5000 needed for a well, which was completed soon after. Each of the high schoolers said it was was amazing to see how, even with the conditions they live in, the Kenyans were so happy and friendly. It really made them grateful for the bounty we have here in the USA.

This is O at her greatest. Showing the average family at home who really wants to make a difference, but doesn't know how, that they can jump in and help change the world -- one school at a time. With the advance of education, especially the education of girls, poverty declines, the rate of female circumcision declines, the rate of early marriage declines, and the spread of HIV declines.

So it took O several years to finally get on board. But better late than never, I say. I hope that the organization grows in leaps and bounds. You can check them out through O's website, or directly at www.freethechildren.org

Run and tell everyone you know. Get involved, if only by making a donation. Don't wait years to do it.

Our worst nightmares

TOWS chose the perfect day to re-run this episode, the day before the Memorial Day weekend, just before the summer driving season officially begins. O's guests were families that had experienced terrible tragedies, car accidents that resulted in the deaths of children.

The first family lost a daughter when a drunk driver crashed into the limo that was driving them home from a wedding reception. The exact details of how she died are just too heartbreaking to convey. It's one of the saddest stories I've ever heard. Even thought the bride and groom had gone out of the way to ensure the safety of their guests by providing limos, a shuttle to a hotel, and even hotel rooms -- a thoughtless choice by a drunken man could not have been foreseen.

Years later the parents are still in tremendous pain. Even the extended family just feels they can no longer celebrate as a family because the child, Katie, is not there. The mother looked as though she was in a trance, probably protecting herself from reliving it all yet again. The father spoke like a broken man who struggles to get through each and every day. He says the only reason he is still here is because of his other kids.

Sadly, he said counseling did nothing for him. It didn't change anything.

Another guest was a grandmother who ran over her grandson as she backed out of a driveway, and a third was a mom who fell asleep at the wheel and caused a crash that killed three of her children. Dr. Robin spoke to the grandmother, but what she had to say could be applied in all three cases.

"There's this piece of you that has kind of hunkered down and said, 'I'm going to be loyal to my grandson, and the way I'm going to show my loyalty is I'm going to suffer and punish myself for the rest of my life.' "

But, Dr. R pointed out, there is a better way to remember them -- for surely they would not be happy knowing that they were causing such pain. As hard as it is, remembering the good times, and letting them bring a smile to your face is a much better way to honor their memory.

I hope Katie's parents and extended family try to take Dr. R's words to heart (and try again and again to find a counselor skilled enough to guide them through it.) No family should live under such a dark cloud.

All the guests were commended for bravely relating their stories so that other such tragedies may be avoided. O really drove home the point to viewers that you shouldn't even think about drinking and then getting behind the wheel.

It's my worst nightmare, one I pray I will never have to experience. I hope you all will join me in doing our part to prevent it from happening to another family:

If you have to do a full body tackle and wrestle the keys out of their hands -- and if you can't do it, find someone else big enough who can -- but don't let anyone you know drink to excess and then try to drive.

Someone's very life, and a family's future happiness, may depend on it.

The Daytime War Room (#3)

Well, Ellen Degeneres makes it on this blog for the first time. I have not included her show in my daily viewing, because her show tends to be more chatty and lighter than TOWS and TV -- aside from The Great Puppy Incident awhile back.

So ED had John McCain on her show Thursday, and I've only been able to see the part of the interview available on her website at http://ellen.warnerbros.com/ -- although I don't know how long it will be there -- it was also on youtube. (Hillary and Obama have made previous appearances -- all I know is that BO was showing off some of his dance moves -- but I imagine both interviews were lovefests.)

In the clip ED dives right in to discuss "the elephant in the room." To her credit, she makes her point earnestly yet respectfully, and wraps it up with humor. No ambush, no raking over the coals. I can only guess as to whether or not she'll trash him on her show in the future, but it doesn't seem to be her m.o.

Unlike some of TLOTV -- once again some crazy pastor comes out who endorsed McCain and is now known to be a real hate-mongerer, aiming his attacks at Muslims. Joy and Whoopi seem to think that it wasn't enough for McCain to reject what the pastor was saying, he had to out and out reject the endorsement. (Which I'm sure, if he hasn't already, he will do forthwith.)

They tried to make a comparison to the Rev. Wright situation. Just because McCain at some point accepted this guy's support not knowing what his true colors were -- that's the same as being a member of the church for 20 years, hearing the sermons, giving money to the guy, and having him marry you?

Ok, ok -- no sense in rehashing the whole thing -- all I'm saying is, it's amazing how Joy is so quick to cry foul when her candidate is being attacked but then turns around and reads the riot act when McCain does something that doesn't even come close in comparison.

It's not even June, and already Joy has me feeling like the Grinch, with the drumsticks banging on the side of my head -- "All the Noise,  

                                                    Noise,

                                                              Noise, 

                                                                          NOISE!"

OCD fear in my eyes

I'm not making fun. I watched today's show seeing everyday people whose lives had been destroyed. My heart went out to them. The saddest things was that they endured suffering for years.

Yes, it would be easy to be so dismissive -- just get over it, just stop it. But I realize it could happen to almost anyone. I feel lucky not to have been consumed by such a debilitating condition. I fear that one of my children may be prone to this, and I hope I am raising her to be able to come to me so that she will not suffer. I know that so many do not tell anyone. Not their parents, not their spouse, not their best friend.

What I loved about this show is that the therapy it featured could be applied not only to the severe cases presented, but to almost every aspect of life. It was about experiencing life. Getting in there and getting dirty and living with abandon, taking chances and being willing to face the consequences.

The alternative -- living in fear and avoiding mess at all costs -- it's just not realistic. Bad things will happen, messes will happen. You will find yourself frozen with fear once in a while. That's okay. But we have to choose whether or not we are going to live our lives or just let life make our choices.

"You are not your thoughts," said O. Now there's a flippity-dippity mantra I can get behind. Although I would say more specifically -- "You are not your negative thoughts."

The easy road is to give in to the darkness, to live a life in the shadows. To let those negative voices in your head prevent you from living your dreams.

There's a reason a certain Golden Book was on our grandparents' shelves, our parents' shelves, our shelves, and our kids' shelves. I'm going to buy it for my grandchildren someday. That little train had it right.

Never underestimate the power of "I think I can."

Daughters learn what they live

TLOTV were discussing the fact that it looks like Hillary would not be getting the nomination. "What should we tell our daughters?" they pondered. How can we explain that a woman was not chosen? Was it because she's a woman?

I myself have seen only a few nasty sexist remarks in the mainstream -- one a comment from a constituent in the crowd, one from Chris Matthews, and a few others -- but you can't deny that there has been viral emails and behind the scene, behind her back comments that were terribly unfair.

Even if most of the vitriol was because they did not care for Hilllary's past and politics, and not simply because of her gender, there was no excuse for comments about her body parts and other feminine (or unfeminine) traits. I had to take to task someone I know for continuing to forward emails of this nature, pointing out that he had daughters -- how would he like it if they were attacked in this manner?

But there's a different aspect I want to point out here. I think maybe it's a mistake to be making such a fuss whether she is the nominee or isn't. As long as we continue to act as though it's something un-usual, there will be a natural resistance.

I grew up in a pretty typical midwest family. My parents were hardly radical progressive types who pushed their daughters into fast-track, high-profile accomplishments.But I always felt that I could be anything I wanted. It never occurred to me -- even when a tv show had a boy singing "Any Little Boy Can Be President" -- that I couldn't be president if I wanted, too.

Or even have lesser ambitions that were not typically considered commonplace for women. O had the cast of The Mary Tyler Moore Show, and they waxed how innovative the show was, showing a single woman making it on her own. Now maybe it was because I was younger, but I didn't think there was anything unusual about that, even though I knew no one who actually had that lifestyle.

I believe it's because my parents never said to me -- oh, you can't do that. That's not something for a woman to pursue -- be happy being a wife and mother. Alright so that's where I currently am right now -- the rocket scientist path was not for me -- but I haven't ruled out great things for the future.

My daughters don't care what the pundits say. It doesn't matter what the talking heads say, or the headlines, the talk shows, the tv dramas. While doing my best to expose them to positive role models, whether in real life or fictional realms, I also tell them -- my husband tells them -- you can become whatever you want.

And I won't be surprised if they do.

The Daytime War Room (#2)

First a comment on the Nighttime War Room, namely Saturday Night Live. They just had their season finale on what I think was a strong year. (I have been watching the show pretty regularly since it started thanks to a cool mom who had been to Second City and allowed us to experience the improv vibe.)

Although the show obviously leans left, they are also usually equal opportunity lampooners. Their take on the Democratic primaries has been political satire at its finest. (Amy Poehler should get an Emmy for her Hillary impression!)

All 3 candidates have made appearances, and I think the late-night winner has to be John McCain. His two spots on the finale were great -- just the right touch of self-deprecating humor -- and he received a very warm welcome. It will be interesting to see what happens on the show in the fall.

Back to daytime -- TLOTV have had more than a few things to say in the past few days.

First I have to mention how Elisabeth received a rousing round of applause the other day for once from a big group in the audience. Whoopi said she had never seen such enthusiasm for what EH had to say in all her time there. Sorta gives you an even bigger appreciation for what Elisabeth faces every day.

Joy has been making her usual Noise about President Bush, and then usually makes a connection to McCain, calling him "McBush." It's obvious that she likes McCain, but just disagrees with policy. So she seldom has a Mac attack, but simply goes off on the current administration and then declares that Bush and McCain are "tied at the hip."

Never mind that it totally isn't true, as EH points out time and again, but as Joy herself says, there are some people who act as if just because you say something over and over, that makes it true.

Like yesterday. Joy was practically apoplectic in her attack on the Bush family. She drags out the old story about W.'s grandfather, Prescott Bush, as a financial supporter of the Nazis. I went on-line and checked out the story and The Straight Dope proclaims the facts have been blown way out of proportion, although there are still those who argue that they have not.

But come on -- PB had a small investment and pretty much pulled out in 1939 well before anybody had any idea what was to come. And it was over 60 years ago! Get over it already. It was a different world then. Bad taste in the mouth? Certainly. But nothing worth popping a vein over today.

What actually bothered me the most about that rant, was the fact that it looked like WG knew exactly what Joy was going to say, while EH seem blind-sided. Although once again EH impressed me with how she responded, she was obviously not prepared with a proper full counter-argument.

Seems TV is not playing fair in the sandbox.

(Usedto)love(butnow)hatesoaps

Ok, I admit it. I watched All My Children for years -- from about 1977 until 1996. Yes I was 12 -- my best friend broke her leg at the beginning of summer. We watched a lot of television. Amazing that her mom let us watch a soap opera with a story line in which a young girl was being rescued from a life of prostitution.

I watched it with varying degrees of interest, but at one point I was taping it every day and watching it with my siblings who also caught the bug. There were many times I said, "if such and such happens I'm never watching this show again." I finally drew the line when a devout Catholic girl had an abortion after being raped.

Yes, I do not discriminate against children who begin life under horrible circumstances. I believe both they and their mothers are victims -- to be protected and cared for in all ways they may require.  The death of an innocent child could never erase the horrendous acts of a sperm aggressor whom we unthinkingly refer to as his or her "father." The child is innocent and no less entitled to be brought into this world.

But it wasn't the portrayal of the young girl that was the last straw.

First they had the wise old Christian woman telling her that it was okay to abort because "perhaps there are some burdens even God doesn't expect us to bear." Which God was that woman praying to? The God I know doesn't consider having a child a burden, and with Him all things are possible. We can get through anything with His love and strength supporting us.

Then her older sister, who was a doctor, decided to help her keep the secret from her parents and accompanied her to the clinic. This was two more strikes -- a doctor proclaiming that an abortion was better than giving birth, and that it was okay to have this dangerous procedure without informing your parents.

And then -- after dragging out the show's token Irish-Catholic character and showing him as a peaceful protester outside the clinic (gee thanks for showing we're not all crazy)-- another unknown protester physically grabbed her and picked her up, screaming that he would not let her go in. Ach!

I finally decided I could no longer watch a tv genre that continues -- to this day -- to trot out story lines that contribute to the detrimental attitudes toward pregnancy and parenthood. Ooh, who is the father? What will happen if people find out about this pregnancy? Will the wedding be interrupted by someone revealing a pregnancy? All these types of story lines perpetuate beliefs that pregnancy and parenthood are something to be ashamed of, to hide and be secretive about, and even terminate.

So TV had an actress from One Life to Live who portrays a 16-year-old who just became pregnant. On the surface it seems like OLTL is doing a good job presenting this topic -- 20 years after I saw it on AMC -- because the actress has a blog on the ABC website that further explores teen pregnancy, and they are partnered with the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. (A group I am mostly in agreement with.)

Some good things: the boyfriend is accepting his part, the couple is expressing regret and admitting they handled it all wrong, they are not choosing to abort.

Bad things: she did not turn to her parents right away, the couple ran off together, and the blog is quick to point out "we're not preaching" and "we're not saying 'don't do this, don't do that' " Why not?

Forget the blog -- I recorded Fridays' OLTL and the character fell down a flight of stairs! It's 2008 and a tv show is still dragging out this old, irresponsible plot device. You just know that some young girl -- probably more than one -- who is pregnant, threw herself down a flight of stairs after watching that in hopes of causing a miscarriage.

Oh, yes, the producers of OLTL really are trying to help today's young teens. Whatever makes money. Who cares what the consequences truly are?

Polygamist women aren't brain-washed...

You can't be brain-washed if you never knew any better. At least that's what I hope Lisa Ling meant when she said that she wouldn't call the women in Texas brainwashed.

From the day they are born these poor young women only know what they see in their daily lives. There are no televisions, no movies --even their textbooks have been censored. To them, total submission and oppression is normal. They can't even conceive of the notion of choosing a life path, choosing a husband, or choosing full-time motherhood.

Elissa Wall, the young woman who ran away and testified against Warren Jeffs leading to his conviction, told how she assisted the Texas authorities in the raid on the FLDS compound. She explained how one of the ways she helped was by acting as a "translator," since the sect has its own way of expressing themselves.

The good news was that Elissa felt that the authorities were very caring and cautious in how they handled the removal of the children. The bad news of course is that mothers and children had to separated -- for their own good of course, but tragic nonetheless.

The biggest shame was that it took a 911 call claiming abuse for anything to happen. Elissa described what was happening in the sect community during the trial, and yet nothing was done. Girls as young as 13 were being forced into arranged marriages, sometimes to first cousins. They were told it had been prophesied and it was their duty to obey.

They enter a marriage knowing absolutely nothing about their own anatomy, let alone sex. They are not forewarned by their mothers, other than being told that their husband will guide them through their "marital relations." (How do the young men find out? Missed-opportunity-to-ask-a-question #101 on this show!)

And so Elissa explained that when her marriage was finally consummated, she was shaking and sobbing and begging and pleading for her husband to stop. I can't help but think that every older woman at that compound had a similar experience. And they think it is normal. They allow their daughters to go through the horrific incident as if that is what a merciful God would expect.

And O sat there, sucking her lozenge, saying mm-hmm, repeating what the guests had said, reading from the prompter – oh, and making a joke about the escapees going to a hair salon,

Where is the outrage?

It's bad enough when O had the three grown women who insisted they were happy sharing one husband, and O did not say a word of protest. Not judgmental -- no, not she! But this was children we were talking about. Young women being forced into repeated acquaintance rape, basically. Why was O not demanding that more raids take place across the country?

To be fair, I think O did display a level of tacit disapproval. But when all you're doing is presenting fact after appalling fact, it begins to seem like all we're doing is being voyeurs.

I want to know -- what can we do about his?! Yes, people are entitled to religious beliefs -- sadly even misogynistic, unGodly beliefs. But when children are being harmed, how can we just sit back and act as if it's all just a personal preference?

Good reporting, Lisa. Now finish the job. Help bring about justice.

Dr. Oz drinks the kool-aid

Right before I watched today's show, my 9-year-old told me a joke about how to meditate. Repeat after me, she said. Owah... taful... ameye. Do you get it, Mommy? she asked. Oh, what a fool am I? I said. Oh, you knew that one, she laughed, and scampered off.

Too bad O hasn't caught on. You would think that she would be the most skeptical woman on tv, after what she’s seen in years past. But you know O, she has an open mind. Yes, that is doubleplusgood.

"It doesn't require your belief to be real," she lectured her viewers about today’s topic.

What?!

Is this something from her latest book selection? Anybody could say that about anything! The tabloids could say that about the latest Elvis sighting.

What O is failing to recognize is that having an open mind doesn't mean that, after allowing yourself to consider all possibilities, you have to give credence to every hair-brained idea. You are allowed to then reject certain ideas. You gave them their chance. That's enough.

So today it was past life regression. Some Yalie named Brian Weiss tells his flippity-dippity story about a patient who, while under hypnosis, recounted facts about his father and his child who died at the tender age of 3 weeks. He did not believe there was any way the woman could have known these things, and therefore she must have been channeling their spirits. (Apparently he never considered the fact that con artists continually surprise us with the ways they find out things.)

Now, he did not relate if he then asked the woman questions that only he and his father and his (apparently verbal) newborn would know. Amazing that a Yale grad would not think to do so. He thought she must be telling the truth, and he therefore believed when she then said she had 86 past lives. (Now, there's a leap.)

Then a former guest of TOWS was hypnotized and led through Weiss's regression therapy. While under, the poor guy recounts a story of dying in a fighter plane and seeing his own sister raped. It is determined that these must be past lives. He is told that now that he has faced these images, he can shed the pain and move on. And he says that he truly has been feeling better about things that used to trouble him.

Hmmmm. Ya think? Come on. I'm not saying that this guy Weiss is necessarily a con artist like some folks O's had on the show before -- maybe he truly has convinced himself. I'm not a psychologist, but even I could come up with an alternative theory -- did O bother to get any experts to do so?

Oh, she presented vague arguments, and Weiss had a response for all of them. Not a valid response if you ask me, but O would nod and say -- hey, people, keep an open mind. (You don't want to be doubleplusbad.)

And then they showed Dr. Oz having a "session." He was put under and he felt he experienced encounters with other souls of people who had died. (He did not say he had envisioned a past life.) What he thought was a mere 10 minutes had taken over an hour. (Imagine that!) He said he went into it very skeptical, but now he's really thinking twice.

"A hundred years ago, we were much more open to the paranormal," Dr. Oz said. Oh, yes, we were so much more enlightened then. Do I have to list all the other ridiculous things society believed 100 years ago?

Here's a reasonable explanation: You were hypnotized. You were asked leading questions, and provided with answers at times. You were not awake. Time passes and you are unaware of it. The mind is a mysterious realm. With all that you've seen or heard in your life, you can envision almost anything. (Just think about some of the crazy dreams you've had.)

If told, while feeling totally safe and relaxed, that you can let go of some painful vision, of course you're going to wake up feeling good. Images that you see don't have to have an explanation for their origin. Envisioning a knight dying in battle doesn't mean that you are witnessing a past medieval life.

But O was buying Weiss's story. She only approached the religious aspect, as usual, with the vague question of, where does God fit into this?

"We are ice cubes... If you heat us with love energy, we melt into a spiritual sea... God is the steam, the organizing wisdom in every atom of our being," said Weiss.

Uhhhh-hunhhhh... This is where I would have stood up and said, okay the mothership is here for you now... but oh, how close-minded of me. (Bad blogger, bad!)

Keeping an open mind, I would say that it's possible that maybe there are spirits around us whose energy we can feel. It's possible that perhaps the dead can speak to us. I tend to believe that all those folks who have had a near-death experience did not simply have a physical response to hypoxia.

But past lives? A romantic notion, perhaps, but it flies in the face of traditional Christian teaching. You got one shot at this life, folks. Don't blow it thinking you'll get a do-over.

Click  on "Comments" below to see more about this topic.

Outbubbled on the playground

TV: Elisabeth related an experience at the playground. She thought she was the coolest mom because she had remembered to bring bubbles and chalk and was all set to have a great time. Then when she got there, other kids were running around with fancy bubble machines and bubble swords, while her kids just had the little bottles with the teeny wands.

"I was outbubbled... But my kids still love me," she said. Exactly!

Remember when you were a kid? Remember how simple our toys were? And we had a great time! Now there's bigger and better, new and improved, and every-superlative-adjective-under-the-sun!

Why? Why? Why? Oh I'm not the first to expound on this theme -- all sorts of theories about making up for less time spent with our kids, wanting to give them what we never had, the persistence of keeping up with the Joneses. We've all heard how it's not in our kids' best interest to spoil them. Yet still moms give in time and again.

I do my best to avoid the pitfalls. For example, we have "old-fashioned" birthday parties at home where the kids play traditional games and they do something fun in the kitchen, like making their own mini-pizza or decorating their own cupcake. Instead of more presents that will fill already over-flowing shelves, we ask for items to donate to the local animal shelter.

But it's so hard! Everybody else is doing stuff that is so cool! What harm would it do, to treat them every once in a while?

Because once in a while turns into every so often, which turns in to more often than not, ad nauseum (literally!) We fear that our kids will feel less special than their over-indulged peers, so we cave. That's the easy thing to do. We have to literally train ourselves to remember to say no. But they are not the only ones we have to learn to say no to.

It's also the Joneses. It can be so hard to tell the other moms at the soccer field or at the playground that no, we aren't going to have an ice-skating party or take all their friends to a waterpark for our kids' birthdays. But I got over it. And you know what? It's catching.

I tell the other moms -- "Hey, I know it's old-fashioned, but I always ask the guests if they  had a good time and it's always a resounding yes. I think kids just love to be together -- they don't care how fancy it is."  And it seems like slowly but surely that idea -- and the collecting of donations in lieu of gifts -- is creeping onto the radar of more and more moms.

Go ahead -- be outbubbled! Your kids will still love you.

It's Mother's Day not Smother Day

Happy (Belated) Mother's Day to all my fellow moms (and to all the women who are just-like-a-mom and just as special!)

Okay, we all hate commercialization, and there is too much guilt in the world as it is -- relationships shouldn't feel forced. But not make a fuss over your mom? Come on! While I feel breakfast in bed is enough, so what if others expect more?

Too many kids cling to past minor grievances. I tend to side with the mom... because at some point she was probably very stressed and did or said something she shouldn't and then it just becomes a vicious circle. (I know I've done it.) But give your mom a break. Remember all that she did for you. Grow up, get over it, and treat her like a queen.

When my first was born, and I looked at her and loved her so much, my next thought was "Oh my gosh. My mom loved me this much!... Oh no, I was so terrible to her when I was a teenager!" -- I like to think that from that day forward I was the perfect daughter, but I know I haven't been.

It's a fine line, but while you're remembering that your mom is human, you also should put her on a pedestal. (And yes, as painful as it may be, that goes for mothers-in-law, too!)

Now to all those moms out there feeling neglected. Join the flippin' club! No matter how many lectures they hear from anyone (especially big-mouthed bloggers!) kids sometimes never realize just how many times they break our hearts.

But they're living their own lives and often just are very busy and basically clueless, even after having kids of their own. Stop smothering, live your own life, and go look at their baby pictures. (You know, the ones taken before you or they made all those mistakes!)

The Daytime War Room (#1)

Why devote any energy to what daytime talk show hosts have to say about politics? It's not like everyone is going to be influenced by anything they say. Unfortunately many will. Baa.

Joy's making Noise almost every day about how "the Democrats have to win this time." And then proceeds to bash the current administration and insist that "if the Republicans win it will be a disaster." She then harps about exactly 3 things -- the Supreme Court, the war, and the economy. Each and every time she opens her mouth about all 3 topics she exhibits her ignorance and extremely liberal bias. She seems to prefer Hillary, but rarely has anything bad to say about Obama.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck who supports McCain does her best to remain civil and present a counterpoint, but she's terribly outnumbered. Although Barbara Walters remains neutral,  Sherri Shepherd seems to be leaning toward Obama, and Whoopi -- despite respectfully saying she thinks McCain should win so that he can clean up the mess his own party made -- tries very hard to remain neutral like BW, but very often makes apologies for BO.

We all know where O made her stand, but she seems to have backed off a bit. (Damage control after alienating a lot of women with her mocking "How could you?" remark during her BO endorsement speech?) She rarely mentions the presidential race, but the other day during her take on "hot topics," she let two members of her audience stand up and gush about Hillary and Obama while she stood there (looking rather constipated, actually) and then quickly changed the discussion to a much more important matter -- Mariah Carey's wedding.

TLOTV can't seem to go a single day without saying something about the presidential race. It will be all I can do not to post about every little thing, but I will do my part to try and set the record straight.

Choice Words

Joy's been making a lot of Noise lately -- she keeps saying how being against abortion is "against women." Here goes...

It's time to stop apologizing for being pro-life. It's time to stop accepting the label "anti-choice." It's time to stop allowing people to keep telling us who we are and what we think.

I resent and refute the notion that if you're pro-life, then you're telling women what to do and taking away their right to choose. To the contrary, this is what pro-life feminists are saying:

Women are strong, powerful, and resilient. They can overcome any obstacle, given a fair chance. They should not be made to feel ashamed for finding themselves in a situation where they may need to ask for help, resources, or even just patience.

Pro-life feminists are telling women who experience an unplanned pregnancy that they are not alone. There are countless people who want to help them. With material needs, housing assistance, childcare resources, and legal representation. You and your child are not a burden. You both are worthy of whatever short-term or long-term assistance you may need -- financial, material, or emotional.

We will be there to help you fight for your rights in the workplace, the classroom, and the courtroom. We will not allow your employer to fire you for being pregnant. We will assist you in finishing your education. We will not allow the father of your child simply to walk away from his responsibilities.

Because you and your child are not the problem.

What are you actually hearing from those who think abortion is the answer? You're on your own.

You shouldn't have to be punished with a baby. You can't finish your degree, get ahead in your career, or find a good man with a baby in tow. It will be for the best.

It's okay to let your boyfriend, abuser, or rapist off the hook when they run off. You and your baby can pay the price for their transgressions. After all, who's going to want to help you? You don't want to be a burden. You don't want to have to ask for assistance.

Don't even think about what is happening. Everything will be ok when it's over. Don't worry about any potential risks. Just blindly go into it, because so many others have done it before, and it's legal, so it must be ok.

You're under a lot of stress right now. You're in no condition to consider working this out any other way. Just get it over with. Oh, you don't really want this? You feel like you really have no choice? Well, that's for you to deal with on your own. Don't you feel empowered?

Thirty-five years of convoluted thinking. Pro-abortion forces think they're fighting for the freedom of women. They think by having abortion available, it equalizes men and women, because then women also have the power to just "walk away." What they refuse to recognize is that as long as they continue to perpetuate the notion that there is something wrong with bearing children, then women will continue to be treated as second-class citizens.

As long as they insist that parenthood is a choice, women who want to have their children will be dismissed by the workplace, the universities, and society in general because "well that was your decision, you didn't have to have that baby" and, for the same reason, men will continue to think that it's okay to abandon their obligations.

Where are all the promises of Roe v. Wade? Over 40 million abortions and women still don't have equal pay, child abuse rates have soared, and more women and children than ever before are in poverty. The status quo ain't workin' -- time to rethink things, NARAL.

Pro-life forces are the ones who are "pro-woman."  We are the ones who believe in the capabilities of women. We are the ones telling women they don't have to pay with their children's lives in order to get ahead. We are the ones working for change to alter archaic concepts that oppress pregnant and parenting women in the workforce, in academia, and the world at large.

There are so many other battles that would truly empower women. Fighting child pornography, human trafficking, and rape-as-warfare. But until our child-bearing gift is elevated to its deserved status, pregnant and parenting women and their children will remain to viewed as nothing more than burdens to be disposed of.

So many topics...

...so little of value! But I have so much to say anyway!

First -- lovehateskype! Love the idea, hate the execution. O, please figure out how to make this great idea work better. The sound delay is distracting, as is people interrupting each other.

Second -- her panel of celebrities. Gayle King -- a little Gayle goes very far. (I'm not just saying that out of spite that she got to dance with The George. Clooney , that is.) Mark Consuelos is so sweet, although he did seem in over his head. And Alexandra Wentworth... Schmoopie! Didn't know she was married to the other George. Stephanopoulos, that is. She was the highlight of the show. Hope they have her back. (I won't be having "Pethokoukis" tattooed on me anytime soon either!)

And the first important topic O said they had to talk about... Mariah Carey had a secret wedding! (Oh, it's that kind of "important" topics.) MC knew the guy like a month. Good luck with that one. (Although he's that nice kid from Nickelodeon's All That. I loved him on that show!)

And then more Tom Cruise talk! As Nancy the superTomfan said, "No! No! No! No! No! No!" One viewer who had been won over by TC's sincerity, actually felt he hadn't explained the Matt Lauer incident enough. Did she watch that whole segment? Didn't she feel that they all but had a line by line autopsy of it? Enough, please!

To comment on the Texas polygamist compound story -- one of the three wives under one roof from another show! She explained that her twin was on vacation with their husband. Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! and Ewwwww!!!!!!! Why is O continuing to treat these women as within the realm of reality? Stand up and say it! What you are doing is just so wrong and so beneath you. Stand up for yourself and GET OUT!

Finally something worthwhile with Randy Pausch, the author of The Last Lecture. (If you don't know what that is, look it up on youtube. Or heck just buy the book! You'll lovelove it!) Great that he has proved the doctor's wrong by outliving the expectancy they laid out for him. Bad news is he recently had some additional health problems that seem foreboding. Keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

And lastly we met O's "focus group" at the Rashon Salon. (I'm taking a guess at the spelling on that one.) You gotta lovelove the ladies, albeit I'm sure they lovelove O and may have "WWOD" hanging on a sign above the hairdryers. But then again, one of them said that Barbara Walters should not have revealed her affair with Sen. Brooke. O should have that wise lady as one of her producers.

Well look who just caught up...

on TV. Miss 4.0 GPA in chemical engineering (for one year at Northern Illinois -- hmmm) Cindy Crawford. She came on to promote using Pur filters and a reusable aluminum water bottle that she designed. (Hey! she *is* puttin that one year at NIU to use!)

Cindy was saying how she alone used to go thru 6 plastic bottles of water a day. When did she finally realize that not using them at all is better than recycling them? I've had Brita pitchers for more than 15 years. There are so many options and yet today at Costco, person after person buying cases of bottled water... sigh

O has talked about not buying bottled water in the past. But her recent revelation that they finally just got around to dealing with a situation re: the coffee stations in Harpo Studios is a perfect reflection of having good intentions but not taking the extra necessary step.

I'm sure that she did the earth-friendlier step of eliminating styrofoam cups at some point, and replaced them with paper. But staff members were each using several a day, sometimes grabbing two at a time because the coffee was too hot. Hellooooooooo!

So, after having been made aware of the huge volume being used daily, rather than try to limit, O was wise enough to cut off the supply completely. Now all staff must bring their own reusable mugs. Now that's going the extra painless mile!

Now if only O would allow an energy audit at Harpo...

Now THAT was an interview...

But it was thanks to the interviewee not O. Barbara Walters was a class act who always said just enough, and not too much.

Growing up I always thought of her as ?Baba Wawa," thanks to SNL, and then there was the "If you were a tree" question. What a disservice to a woman who truly broke many barriers, was her own woman, and knows when to say no. (Most recently to an interview with O.J.)

The best part was the advice BW had for women who are about to marry -- if you're getting married with a heavy heart, don't do it. Unfortunately, BW had done it three times before she learned this herself. (Lucky that I did it just once, I can heartily agree! It's much better when your heart is soaring!) She also stressed that it was important never to have to stay with a man. That you should always be able to stand on your own.

The tables were turned when BW was the one who had to suppress tears -- but I wanted to smack O for doing it. Barbara had already started to get choked up recounting how she wasn't there when her only sister died because she had to leave to give a speech. O just had to ask "How did that make you feel?" and Barbara had to fight back more tears. It was obvious how she felt, why twist the knife?

One nit to pick -- both BW and OW should have said that it was wrong to be involved with a married man. Not that they should wear ash cloths, and even though both had been with men who were on the road to divorce, it is still best to advise women to run the other way. (No, that is not something I know about personally, but having seen what it can do to a woman...)

Quick kudos to TV for having Jo Frost, aka Supernanny, (LoveLoveJoJo!) on for most of the show. She answered a lot of questions -- including one from Elisabeth herself! -- and yet just scratched the surface.  Hope they have her back again soon. (Jo has a new book out about parenting in the first year called Jo Frost's Confident Baby Care as well as previous books.)

Polar Opposites...

...on TV yesterday, so it gets its own post.

First I'll quickly mention Joy's Noise, as it shall be known henceforth. What a joke for her to call the gas tax holiday to be simply pandering. Well she oughta know a lot about that! If Hillary or Obama had thought of it first it would have been a great idea, but because McCain came up with it, it's bad.

Anyway, the first guest was Patricia Heaton who is a personal fave of mine because of her tremendous involvement with Feminists for Life (www.feministsforlife.org) and for just being such a real person in LaLaLand.

She mentioned that she had just turned 50 and she expressed how you have to own your age and celebrate it and be proud. That's what I always say! I'm 43! Yay!

Then out comes Ricki Lake touting her video about the business of delivering babies. She blathered about her home birth and then said it's not about telling women what to do, it's about being "pro-choice, which I am in many ways" or something like that. (She just had to throw that in as if it has anything to do with how you deliver your baby.)

So once again -- let's not judge women, whatever they choose to do is okay, as long as they know they're choices and they make them.

Ok -- here goes:

I have given birth to 7 children. The first was pretty much "natural" with just a shot of Demerol midway so I could rest. The second was a nightmare involving pitocin without an epidural. The rest were all induced with pitocin but I had epidurals.

Those who advocate a "natural" birth "experience" are totally self-serving. Like you've proven yourself in some way by doing that. I say, if you have done your homework, if you find the right doctor, if you have a good midwife -- there is no reason why pain relief should be shunned. I felt a lot more "in control" when my pain was alleviated medically. There are many options.

I know there are arguments against them, but whatever you decide about pain relief or inductions -- PLEASE HAVE YOUR BABY IN A HOSPITAL!

Ach -- all the focus on "choice" and "control" has led some women to believe that it's all about them. They argue that it's good for the baby -- oh yeah? So why would you endanger your baby's life by having a home birth? Go to whatever hospital has the nicest birthing center with all the big comfy beds, mood lighting, and birthing pools you want -- have whomever you want there with you.

But don't risk your baby's life because the chances are slim something will go wrong. Don't allow the fact that there are far fewer "bad outcomes" in home births deceive you into believing that it won't happen to you.

Because we're not just talking about the possibility of a bad experience, your child's very life is at stake. Is that what "choice" is about? Endangering our children?

If you feel your doctor won't follow your "birth plan," get a different doctor. If all the doctors in your HMO don't feel right, fight for the right to see someone else. Same goes for the hospital. That's what true empowerment is about. Not thumbing your noise because you don't like things -- but changing them.

I'm sure I will upset some women -- maybe some I know -- with this. I hope they'll take it in the spirit intended -- a caring commentary presenting an opinion not often expressed for fear of seeming judgmental.

Some choices are unwise. It's not about judging anyone -- it's about being realistic.

Schmooze Cruise

Today was Tom Cruise, The Interview, Part II !!

What a schmoozefest! All those other crazy stars almost had me convinced that TC is actually not just as crazy as they are!

In fairness, crazy as he is -- and who wouldn't be after what he's been through in the past 25 years starring in the movies (as O kept reminding us over and over and over...) -- he seems to be a decent enough person.

I honestly think that he has been treated unfairly by the press and other folks who didn't like him in the first place and were just looking for reasons to stick it to him. He seems earnest enough and hasn't really hurt anyone -- he came close with Brooke Shields but he apologized and she forgave him and they're still good friends.

Everyone should cut him some slack, buy some popcorn and enjoy the movies.

Snooze Cruise

O went to visit Tom Cruise at his home in Telluride! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Okay, I like Tom Cruise. More accurately, I don't dislike him, and I like some of his movies. Although I see how some women find him good looking, he never did it for me. I couldn't care less what he has to say about Scientology or post-partum depression.

But I had to laugh out loud when O exclaimed, "Oh, this is so normal!" What did she expect? Golden shrines to L. Ron Hubbard? Seriously, she probably thought that he would have his house OVERdone like so many of the extreme home makeovers seem to be these days.

But then she tried to prove her point of how normal Tom is by going into excruciating detail re: the whole couch-jumping and antidepressants-bashing episodes -- which happened  almost THREE years ago!  Did her people and his people think this was all still necessary? Whose minds do they think they're going to change?

Tom Cruise will never be normal thanks to being a major Hollywood star, but at the same time he puts his tightie-whities on one leg at a time. Leave him (and his wife and kids) alone to make his movies and judge them on their own merits.

TLOTV pondered what women should do to get ahead in the world -- maybe stop the nonsense they had pulled earlier --> Joy Behar showed a picture of her and Bill Clinton from a party the night before. Sherri Shepherd gushed something like "Did he make you feel all womanly?" and Joy blushed and admitted he did. Bleeeeeeeeeecccchhhhhhh! Getting over the whole "supporting whatever politician makes you swoon (no matter how much of a pig or whatever else he is)" would be a good start for women like them!

likehateSexandtheCity

Okay first -- I have followed Sarah Jessica Parker's career more closely than I usually would for a given celebrity because we happen to be born on the exact same day. I wouldn't say I live vicariously through her, but I find her interesting.

I've watched dozens of episodes of that show (much to my husband's chagrin). Though it's based on a book by a woman, the show was created by a man, and the movie that's coming out was mainly written and directed by a man. Point being -- I have to find some credence in the notion that the show reflected what certain men would have liked their lives to be -- as women.

I would say the number one reason I watched the show was so that I would know how women were being portrayed on this wildly popular show. Have to say I had very mixed feelings. Although I liked some of the relationship plot lines, I found it hard to believe that women would still be engaging in this type of behavior beyond their 20s.

The number one problem I had with it (other than the obvious) was how the friends were expected to always support *everything* the others did. Even the conscience-minded Charlotte, after voicing her objections, would very often give in. They just didn't want to "judge" their friends.

That's not what friends do. It's not about judging, it's about taking a stand when someone you care about is doing something harmful or dangerous, physically or otherwise. (I'm sure I'll reveal more of my opinions about SATC in future posts.)

That said -- what's all the fuss? O declared the upcoming movie a "masterpiece." Puh-lease! Some women are so desperate to live another life vicariously that they'll stand outside for *hours* watching the filming of a scene? It's not worth calling it anything more than what it is -- mindless fun and fashion.

Over on TV, the intolerable Joy Behar had me boiling with something like "Well they say it as if, just because they say it, that makes it true." (Hello kettle, this is the pot. You're black.) And then spouted all these low prices back in the '90s, as if it was all thanks to Bill Clinton. Ugh.

But I have to give her kudos today because she brought up that she was performing at a fundraiser for ovarian cancer research, and then talked a little about how mysterious and deadly it is, and how it's a great cause. Salaam.

Next week -- Russian Roulette!

What the *hell* was that? Why did Oprah think that having David Blaine break the breath-holding record was worthy of devoting an *entire* show? I don't care how many times they warned not to try this at home, and emphasized how much he trained for this. There was a real chance -- however unlikely -- that he could have *died* right there on that stage, or at least had a serious emergency.

Why would O encourage this behavior? Hey if people -- usually men -- want to test their physical limits, go ahead! But not if it seriously endangers your life. I thought the Guinness Book had put an end to accepting these types of records due to the danger. Apparently not...

Next Blaine says he's going for the staying awake record. I saw a show on a guy who tried that and he literally did severe damage to his brain that he never recovered from. I think the "great philosopher" James Cameron had it right in the little speech that Sarah Connor gave in Terminator 2 (even though her son acted like she was being melodramatic):

Men can't give birth so they go around attempting other "amazing" things. Penis envy my ass -- it's womb envy that's the source of a lot of trouble in this world.

Whoopi did what O is too afraid to these days. Rather than just suggest that people try not to consume high fructose corn syrup, Whoopi actually challenged the "health czars" in all 50 states to just get rid of the stuff. (And Elisabeth chimed in with hydrogenated oils.) With that one minute alone she made more of a difference than an entire O show.