"Dad at 13" screamed the headline of the London newspaper. As if that's news. Of course, it was the picture of the wee lad that caused the outrage. At only four feet tall, the little guy looks more like an eight-year-old.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article5724616.ece
So your average 13-year-old is ignored. Considered no big deal. Only when they actually look far too young is there a fuss.
It seems that the threshold is creeping lower and lower these days, for both young boys and girls, as to what age is considered acceptable for sexual behavior. And of course this is because kids are maturing faster these days.
Wait, or is it kids are less mature than back in the day, when the average 18-year-old would go out and get a job and support himself, and not play video games all day... Ok, so there are two different meanings to the word "mature." Imagine that.
Just because -- due to the modern diet or genetics or whatever -- kids today are more physically mature, does not mean that they are therefore ready to accept the responsibility and deal with the consequences of sex. Just because a kid knows how to use a credit card and reeeally wants to, doesn't mean we should let them. Why should we turn a blind eye to something much more serious?
Ah, because we don't want to be "hung up" about sex. We want to be cool. And they're going to do it anyway. Teach them the way to be "safe," and they'll be alright.
Can I just say right now, that just because I don't think sex is appropriate for kids -- definitely not anyone under 18 (I don't care how "mature" you are) -- and believe it's really best in a marital relationship at any age -- that does not make me "hung up" about sex. (I have 7 children. Believe me, I am not "hung up.")
Being a parent is not being cool. It's being the bad guy now and then. I am not raising my kids to think that I will assume they are going to engage in dangerous behavior, and that they should simply minimize their risk. I am raising my kids to understand that they are too smart, too strong, and too precious to succumb to the temptations around them.
They will not smoke, drink, take drugs, or have sex -- not just because my husband and I said so and sent them off with our fingers crossed. We have talked with them, explained their choices and laid out the consequences. We have voiced our expectations, and we do not tolerate secretive behavior. We meet their friends and their parents, and make sure there are adults to monitor all activities.
There are even more strategies for ensuring that our kids will be kids. Not little adults pushed into the realms of actual adult responsibility because it's "inevitable."
Just about every parent who says "kids will do it anyway" is trying to justify their own reckless teenage behavior. Unrepentant types who won't do what's necessary to prevent their children from experiencing what can go wrong -- even when all "protective" measures are taken.
Seems a potentially high price to pay just to be the "cool parent." Go ahead, dare to be the bad guy. Say no. It could save your children at least a lot of heartache, and at the most, their very lives.
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