Clearly Nebulous

Mind Over Manners? Not in Our House

They keep saying how ugly the upcoming presidential election campaign is going to be.

Why?

Why do so many accept this premise? Believe me, I know first-hand exactly how bad it got in 2008. But don't they see the potential for a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Perhaps they were disheartenend by how short-lived the truce was, which President Obama called for after the shooting in Tucson, AZ. Both sides point fingers at who ended the "new era of civility" before it really started. Seems to me that everyone is guilty of letting it continue.

So how do we counter these senseless acts of unkindness? I believe that, like charity, civility begins at home. Parents need to "teach their children well" that they should mind their manners in the political arena as well.

This is all too real in our house. While there is no love lost for the current man in the White House around here, we have instructed our children that they are to refer to him as President Obama. This has proven to be a challenge to our sixteen-year-old. Her obvious animosity may have taken root when she -- like so may others -- was called a racist simply for stating her support for John McCain in 2008.

Despite our guidelines, I know that she will slip up occasionally. And I also know that she is a part of a generation that feels an unreal sense of anonymity in social media that allows them to be extra rude, thinking it's "funny." But we monitor her accounts, and she has been prompted to delete posts that are disrespectful to anyone.

Now perhaps a college student is too old for such supervision. But I would hope that I will have taught my children better than the young woman who tweeted a rude comment about Sen. Sam Brownback at a Youth in Government program. She tried to portray it as a freedom of speech issue and refused to write the apology her school was demanding.

 

Like too many policians these days, Sen. Brownback conceded to a lack of decorum. 

 

Of course she had a right to say it. And the school should not have required an apology to be sent. But when something gets back to someone -- even if it was only intended for your friends, and it was only a "joke" -- a truly conscientious person would know that some kind of redress was called for. I know I would tell my children it's the right thing to do.

But instead, this young girl stood her ground, supported by her mom who said she raised her kids to be "independent, free thinkers." And then Sen. Brownback backed down from expecting an apology, and instead apologized to her(!). 

 

Ahmir Thompson -- obviously a friend of #44 -- thought it was "tongue in cheek" to play "Lyin' A-- B----" when Michele Bachmann appeared on a latenight show. This is the attitude we must direct our children to reject.

So as long as being a free thinker is more important than being a decent human being -- especially by those who support the man who called for that new era of civility in the first place -- this will be an uphill battle that Sisyphus would not have preferred.

As for me and my house -- we will choose the path of propriety.

"Glee"-Fully Wrong and "Counting" on What's Right

No, I don't watch Glee. I know there are moms who enjoy the show and think that if they watch it with their teens (or even pre-teens) that it often opens up a conversation, blah blah blah. I truly feel you're kidding yourself if you think there's no harm done in allowing your daughters to view this for-mature-audiences-only drama.

Yes, I tuned in last night because a high school couple was deciding whether to have sex for the first time. A topic this mom (and her husband) will be revisiting many times in the coming years, what with 3 daughters currently in high school and 2 more in middle school. One thing I know: We will not be relying on Hollywood to contribute anything substantial to this conversation.

Okay, so Glee is not as bad as say, Gossip Girl (whose first season I did watch, by myself). The writers of Glee went to great pains to make sure that the story line was truly earnest, ensuring that the couple's decision (spoiler alert -- not really) to go ahead and have sex -- that it was given "meaningful" thought and was under the "right" circumstances.

 

Rachel felt that four whole months of not fighting deserved celebrating -- by having sex for the first time.

Pure Hollywood wishful thinking. Who knows how many of those involved with the production of this show actually faced this decision in high school -- and maybe some of them did have sex at that tender age and emerged unscathed. But once again it appears to be retro-rationalization by those who want to justify their own risky, indulgent behavior.

All right, I won't play pop psych here. But come on -- why else would they produce such drivel? Because "teens are facing this every day" and they hope to "guide them to making good decisions"? Because having sex when you are still in high school -- when the circumstances are "right" and you do it in a "responsible" way -- is not a threat to your future? Wrong on all accounts.

I don't care how many forms of birth control you use (apparently both Rachel and Finn had things "covered") and I don't care how in love you think you are at the age of 16, 17, 18... Just because it "feels safe" and will be "unforgettable" because it's with someone you "trust" -- there are so many other issues surrounding being in a sexual relationship that go beyond that "one special night."

One character did give lip service to waiting (acknowledging that her pregnancy was not the only bad consequence) but Rachel relied upon the advice of a couple of friends/frenemies whether or not to enter a situation fraught with so many pitfalls. Where was the conversation with a parent? (The only parental involvement I saw in the show was the old story of parent-diasapproving-of-child-performing-in-a-play with other-parent-giving-their-resounding-approval.)

Amongst all the physical and emotional aspects to be discussed, where was the most important discussion about what will happen when she gets pregnant. Yes, when. I'm teaching my daughters that it's really the only way to be truly responsible, by approaching it as an eventuality not merely a possibility (which is easily ignored). All three "choices" are life-altering. Why would anyone in high school want to complicate their lives that way?

 

Sky-diving is about as risky as things get for the Duggar girls. They know premarital sex has far more uncertainties.

Instead, the show I watched with my daughters was (the apparently soon-to-be-retitled) 19 Kids and Counting. Though I may not totally agree with the extremely conservative path to marriage of that family -- e.g. I will allow my daughters to date, and kiss boys before they are married -- I would rather have my girls exposed to the admirable guidelines they follow. That potential boyfriends need to speak to the parents first. That suitors should have the same values they do. That a physical relationship is not the most important thing between a man and a woman, and is best put off until they are married.

I would rather have my daughters watch real young women who are being taught to fix their own cars and handle their own finances and save grown-up things for when you are actually a grown-up -- than any LA-LA Land fantasy.